Remember to use your outline so you can stay on topic. The main character, Marlin, experienced adversity several times throughout the film. When attacked by a barracuda, he became reclusive and overprotective. Nemo was taken by divers. He fought back, chasing the boat, facing sharks, and travelling the ocean. Marlin let go of control when he and Dory are in the whale. He has to let Nemo do for himself. Marlin’s decisions to face adversity rather than flee from it, let him develop and become open to new experiences, just like his son, Nemo.
This body paragraph is not well written. We simply followed our outline and did not expand on our ideas at all! Let’s see if we can do a better job exploring our ideas in relation to the topic! When attacked by a barracuda, he became reclusive and overprotective. This is just bare bones of the first point of evidence from our outline. Let’s see if we can add some more “meat”! In the opening scene, Marlin’s family is the victim of a barracuda attack and all but one egg is eaten. In the face of this adversity, Marlin flees into his anenome and only comes out when absolutely necessary. He become reclusive, and has no outside contact. Marlin is overprotective of Nemo, telling him, “I will never let anything happen to you!” and he borders on being OCD when he does have to venture out of his home. Can you hear the difference between the two versions of our evidence? We have provided some context for the reader, making our ideas stronger and connected by providing specific, relevant details from the text to support our idea.
Let’s try writing body paragraph 2!
While Marlin is more reluctant in facing adversity, Nemo chooses to fight when faced with unfortunate circumstances. As a result of the barracuda attack, Nemo is born with a smaller fin and Marlin uses this as an excuse to discourage Nemo to try new things. When Nemo wants to swim off the reef, he is told “You can’t, Nemo!” To prove his dad wrong, he swims to the boat anchored a bit away. He is taken by divers and brought to the city where he is placed in a fish tank with other exotic fish. Being taken from home and trapped in an unfamiliar environment is distressing to Nemo, but he fights back by aiding in the Great Escape he blocks the filter propeller with a pebble so the dentist will be forced to clean the tank. Nemo is eventually flashed back into the ocean and is reunited with his dad. Nemo fights against adversity one last time, with his father’s support, when he helps the fish trap in the cargo net. By telling the fish to swim down together, the net breaks and they are able to swim free. Adversity forces a person to fight and face difficult situations; this may transform him or strengthen him. By expanding on the ideas in our outline, we are able to give our reader a clear, concise idea of what we are thinking. Transitions help us flow from one idea to the next seamlessly.
Our sentences are not choppy and disconnected, which makes our paragraph smooth and easy to follow. The key to creating a great essay is to expand on the ideas in your outline. Point form notes in an outline are awesome for keeping your ideas short, but it’s important to explore them in depth when completing the writing process! Good luck with your essay!